The secret to skinny jeans

Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Something I wish someone had told me long ago.

There is a secret to wearing skinny jeans. Now, if you already have legs like toothpicks and a tiny hiney, then this post isn't for you. But if you have some meat on your tush and some (ahem) strong thighs, like a certain girl I know (wink, wink), then you too can wear skinny jeans.

Take it from a girl who tried to find a pair of skinny jeans for a year. Mr. Right, my fashion-forward husband, kept trying to get me to go to the skinny jean dark side and kiss my bootcut jeans goodbye, but every time I tried a pair on in the dressing room, and watched my insides become stuffed into my pants like sausage being stuffed into its casing, ready to explode at any moment, I was always on the verge of tears as I tried to wiggle my way out of those impossible pants and left cursing the horrible man who invented such a torture device.

It was downright depressing. And then I learned the trick.

Take whatever size you typically wear in pants, and go up a size. Or two. Don't even take your normal size with you into the dressing room, or you'll feel like an elephant. 

Just ignore the number on the tag, go a size up, and be amazed at how wonderful they feel. And how much skinnier they feel because they don't look like they're painted on. Nobody has to know the real size.

You think I'm kidding. But you know you want to try it.

PS--My favorite skinny jeans have come from Banana (try the outlet) and LOFT. Sign up for their e-mails and just wait for their 30-40% off everything special - they run them about once a month. 

I remember

11 years ago I was a junior at Baylor. I had a habit of going to sleep with my television on, and I had the craziest dream that I was in a sky scraper in New York, and my building had been hit by an airplane. Everything was on fire and I was trying to get out.

And then I woke up and I saw that the news was on, and an airplane had hit a sky scraper in New York. My dream had been real, probably caused by my subconscious listening to the news reports.

And then I watched as the second plane hit the second building. And my world was never the same.

It's so strange that at that moment I didn't know how important that day would be. My roommate slept soundly in the other room, and I didn't know if I should wake her up. And so I didn't, and just sat in my room, glued to the TV, with fear building from that deep place within.

Baylor didn't cancel classes, so I went to my 11:00 a.m. advanced editing class (boy how I miss college and those days when I just had one class from 11:30-1:00 and no job). My stunned professor didn't really know what to say, so she let us go early. Since I was a journalism major, I volunteered to go work in the newsroom, and spent my afternoon watching every newscast on every network, listening to every conspiracy theory and needless warning... becoming more and more afraid as every hour passed.

On my way home that night I stood in line for gas for an hour, and then stood in a very long line to pull money out of the ATM, for fear that our banking system would collapse and I wouldn't have a way to buy food. Stupid college student with no food in my pantry and no cash in my pocket. This was what the news told me to do, and so I did it, along with every other American that night.

That night, or maybe it was the night after that, President Bush addressed the nation, and I remember crying and trembling on my couch, scared for my future, for my safety and for the nightmare that had become true overnight. It was my first moment as a grown up where I didn't have my parents there to protect me, to make sure I didn't die of anthrax poisoning or another bomb. I was 90 miles from my safety net, and I just desperately wanted to get back home where my parents could make the tough decisions, but that wasn't an option.

Being a grown up really stunk at that moment.

11 years later, with the gift of hindsight, most of that fear my 20-year-old self felt was unfounded. I was safe. But I didn't have any way of knowing that. And a part of me will always be affected by the horror of that day - I get nervous for large public events that could become a target. I pray for our president when he's vulnerable in front of crowds. I have had friends fight the enemy that stole our innocence on that Tuesday morning in September.

I will always remember. But I will never let it stop me.

Thankful

I am thankful for cool breezes and open windows and the ability to sit and work on my back porch with a new album (Imagine Dragons) playing in the background.

I am thankful to have gotten to spend the morning with girlfriends, eating girly food and wearing sparkles and pointy heels. Sometimes it's nice to feel glamorous, even if just for a Saturday morning wedding shower.

I am thankful for Mr. Right who took me on one of my favorite dates last night. We've found a hole-in-the-wall sushi place that we have made "our place," and paired with a movie it provides for the perfect, no-stress Friday night date night. Avocado and cream cheese and shrimp tempura and snuggles from my man have a special place in my heart.

I am thankful for a good night's sleep.

I am thankful that our sweet little nephew Jack is doing so well in the NICU. Feel free to say a prayer for him this morning.

I am thankful for new seasons, not only with weather but also with work. Mr. Right's last day at the church was last Sunday and it has been exciting to see him spend this first week studying so hard for his real estate license. I am praying for refreshment and new opportunities for the both of us.

I am thankful for the way God has already blessed my little shop and given me the opportunity to stretch my creative muscles in a way that is really good for me. And I am thankful for friends and family who have been so encouraging during this process.

I am thankful for a God who is sweet, even in times of waiting, and resting, and hoping.

I. Am. Thankful.

Fashion - the battle between tailored and stretchy pants

I will not wear mom jeans! I will not wear mom jeans! I WILL NOT WEAR MOM JEANS!

This is my daily mantra as I pick out my clothes. I will not give up the fight and settle for a life of mom jeans and stretchy pants.

Although, between you and me, some days it's really tempting.

Because you see, friends, I'm tired. I work at a big hospital that requires a LOT of walking on hard tile floors, lot's of moving boxes, taking things on a dollie out to my car, delivering collateral to departments on the other side of the hospital, hoisting things to a top shelf, and doing that in heels just stinks.

Which is why God invented flats. But flats are like my gateway drug to other comfort clothes - suddenly I find myself living in flowy shirts and cardigans, paired with the same two pairs of black slacks I seem to wear every day. Not very exciting, and probably the reason why I get asked over and over if I'm pregnant. It's my own fault.

Don't get me wrong - I can still do sassy. And when I have a big community event, I try to go all out. But whereas eight years ago when I first started this job I might have worn my stilettos all day, now I carry an extra pair of flats in my purse and the minute the event ends, the comfy shoes go back on, the belt and big bracelets come off, and I try to get comfortable again.

And so I battle the urge to let the comfort turn to frumpiness. I fight back by wearing heels on dates with my husband, by getting out of my comfort zone and buying (gasp) skinny jeans, by wearing sundresses whenever possible at home and avoiding t-shirts unless I'm heading to the gym. I have no desire to be known as fashion-forward, but I don't want to give up. I want to be one of those 80-year-old women who dresses "young" for her age, which means I can't give up now.

What about you? How do you balance the desire for comfort (and let's face it - being just plain tired) with the desire to still look cute?

PS--I just discovered this fashion blog on Pinterest yesterday, and it's already one of my new favorites! You should check it out.

I have a confession...

My fellow blog friends, I have a confession...

Remember these beautiful and tasty cupcakes that Mr. Right and I made Sunday night?

You know the ones... with the homemade chocolate-banana icing... that happen to taste better served cold from the refrigerator? Ahh yes, now you remember.

Well last night I may have hit a new low. Mr. Right was working late up at the church, and after taking care of about a dozen chores, working on my nephew's quilt and doing three loads of laundry, I decided to end the night with a bubble bath and a magazine. Possibly one of the most delightful ways to end an evening.

To make it even better, I had one last chocolate-banana cupcake left in the fridge, and I decided to eat it as I ran my bath.

But then true tragedy struck. As I was walking back to my kitchen to grab a glass of water, eating my beloved cupcake and waiting for my water to fill the tub, I dropped my cupcake. Icing-side-down.

And what did I do? I picked it up, and before I could even see if it had collected any dust or unmentionables from my kitchen floor (which, in my defense, was mopped less than a week ago), I stuck it in my mouth. Kitchen floor germs and all.

After I ate it I felt a little guilty. But you know what? I'd do it all over again. The cupcake was worth it.

Don't waste your pretty... and other encouragement for single women

I was single for 30 years, and the I will admit that I used to hate Valentine's Day, because it was just highlighting the fact that I was still single. Probably the only one - or so it seemed. So a few years ago I gave this pep talk to my Sunday School class to encourage my fellow single friends that we could survive our single years, and not only survive... but do it fabulously. Here's what I told them:

How to survive your single years:

1. Your fabulousness isn't determined by your relationship status.
Sometimes that's hard to remember when you see all your friends post pics of their beautiful husbands/boyfriends/babies, and you're home hanging out with your Schnoodle. But whether or not you have a Valentine does not determine your value.

2. No pity dates. Learn to say no.
It seems like yesterday. I was 24. I had a boyfriend. And yet some sweet clueless boy in my singles group at church cornered me and asked me on a date. To a Joel Olsteen rally. (I couldn't make this up.) I was so caught off-guard, and so worried about hurting this poor boy's feelings that I panicked and blurted out "I'll email you." My boyfriend was obviously mad when I told him, and it just delayed the inevitable rejection. From that point on I decided that I would learn to be good at saying no. And I did. It's a great life skill to have. I found that boys really do want a direct answer - and for you, it's like ripping off a band-aid... you can just get it over with.

No pity dates girls. Even if he tells you that God told him you're the Ruth to his Boaz. If God didn't tell you, it's okay to say NO.

3. Never, never, NEVER settle. Don't waste your pretty.
We all know that the bible says not to be unequally yoked. Meaning, if you're a believer, then you need to only date believers. No missionary "I can change him!" dating. Don't even dip your toe in the water, or you may fall in.

But it's not just because God wants to take away your fun and eliminate what seems like 95% of the hot guy dating pool. God has a better plan for you - check out Ephesians 5:25-33 and know that having a husband who "washes you with the Word" is such a total treat. Wait for a man who will pray for you. Who will lead you and your children well. Who will love you in the same sacrificial, intentional way that Christ loves his church. It's worth the wait, even if it seems like you have to wait forever. I promise.

4. Being single doesn't mean there' something wrong with you. God's plans are bigger than that. 
Well-meaning people used to infer that people were single because God had some work he needed to do in their hearts. Like somehow the entire singles department was made up of weirdos, and the entire young marrieds department had everything together.

Ummm... have you seen some of the crazy people who are married out there?  God's still going to still refine you after marriage. Probably more. But there may be other reasons why you're still single.

You may be single because God wants to use you to encourage another single girl. I think God kept me single for what seemed like FOREVER because he wanted some older girls to encourage those sweet 22-year-old girls who thought life would end if they weren't engaged when they got that college degree. My 29-year-old self showed them that life isn't over if you aren't living the white picket fence American dream. God is a whole lot more creative than the American dream.

Or, your Mr. Right may not be ready for you yet. God did a major work in my Mr. Right's life, and we just wouldn't have been a good fit a few years ago. Plus he lived in Colorado, and I would have hated long-distance dating. But when the time was right... he practically dropped in my lap. He moved suddenly from Oklahoma to Fort Worth and then drove FORTY-FIVE MINUTES to my church - I have assured him that I prayed him all the way here. So keep praying for your future man... he may have a long commute to get here.

5. Use this time to its fullest. Find an adventure.
For me, I decided I would use my time to travel. And I did - three trips to Europe, plus I traveled all over the US and to Mexico... basically anytime a friend or family member was up for a trip, I was the first to volunteer. And because of that, I watched sunsets on the beach in Greece and saw my Rangers beat the Yankees in New York. I also ran a half marathon, learned to quilt, got a master's degree, took salsa lessons... no need to sit at home on Friday nights wondering where your man is. Go find an adventure.

6. Serve. Serve. Serve.
"Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

While you're waiting for Mr. Right, keep yourself busy by serving others. You'll end up having a blast, and when you're focusing on others you have less time to sit and worry about when your prince charming will make his grand entrance.

7. Don't be bitter. Don't make all guys pay for the sins (or extreme stupidity) of just one.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger... be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Eph. 4:31-32)


"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." (Ezekiel 36:26)


There's nothing uglier than bitterness. The cutest girls are the ones with sweet spirits.

8. When you DO date... don't peace out on your church and your ministry.
We've all seen someone do the break-up walk of shame back to church... they fell in love and disappeared from the face of the planet. And then somebody changed their mind, and whoops, she's back. Don't be that girl. But if you see that girl... go love on her, because she probably could use a friend.

9. NEVER compromise your morals. Remember your lines and don't cross them.
Know your limits in advance... because in the heat of the moment, when that cute guy looks at you with those big brown eyes... you're probably not going to make good decisions. So already have your mind made up - it's worth it.

10. Remember that God's timing is PERFECT. He has a plan for you. He keeps his promises, and he has not forgotten about you.
"The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him." (Isaiah 30:18)

"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust you." Isaiah 26:3

So my fabulous friends... any other advice that I missed? How have you chosen to thrive?

All I want for Valentines Day is a bouquet of Claritin

I have a minor head cold. Nothing bad, just enough to turn my poor nose into a fire hydrant and my head has turned a bit cloudy. But it's mostly just an inconvenience.

But when I have a cold, I do gain some embarrassing tendencies. Like searching through every drawer, digging through the bottom of my purse, hoping beyond hope that I can find one stray little white pill that will take away all my problems.

A lone Claritin.

I never seem to have one handy when I need it most. Last night, the same thing happened for my nighttime fix - my beloved pink pills. I searched through all of my drawers, and to no avail, I had to go to bed a sniffly, runny-nosed mess, left to toss and turn and cough all night instead of slipping into a peaceful benadryl coma.

But alas - I found an unopened box of off-brand benadryl in my bathroom cabinet this morning. And even better, I found one lone Claritin in the back of my bathroom drawer, only a few days from its expiration date (not that matters, I'd take a 10-year-old Claritin if it was my only option), just begging me to take it. My day is off to a stellar start.

Oh, and I may or may not be carrying a roll of toilet paper in my purse. Because I forgot to buy kleenex.

You know me. Keeping it classy.

Crushed under the weight of my own expectations

I was doing some heavy thinking on the treadmill yesterday... what else is a girl to do while she sweats out four very ugly miles as part of her half marathon training?

And what was I thinking, anyway, training for this half marathon? It has been an ugly few weeks... I have a dozen excuses of why I'm not very stallion-esque while I run, but none really matter... I'm still training through the ugliness. Even yesterday's ugliness when I happened to forget my deodorant (gasp). I feel sorry for the person running next to me. (Let's be honest... my nose has been stuffy for two months, so I was blissfully unaware of how much I really embarrassed myself.)

But back to the treadmill... I was mulling some deep thoughts as I sweated to Beyonce. I read a blog yesterday about ways to increase the amount of walking I do. Which is a great idea. You know the drill... park at the back of a parking lot, take the stairs, yadda, yadda, yadda...

And this is how my stream of consciousness progressed:

I should walk more. Heck, I'm trying to drop a few pounds, this sounds like an easy way to facilitate that.


But then I'd have to wear flats every day. And even my best work flats aren't really made for a lot of walking. So I'd have to buy new shoes.


But I'm supposed to dress for the job I want... It's proven science (at least, I saw it in a magazine once) that the most professionally intimidating women wear stilettos. And since I have a fairly public job, I need to be a put-together professional fashionista.


But if I walk long distances in heels, I'll mess up my feet. I don't need a bunion. Those surgeries hurt.

And then I thought about other contradicting expectations I put on myself:

I want to be a domestic goddess. I should be a fabulous cook. And baker. Good women know how to bake pies.


But I shouldn't really eat those sorts of calorie-ridden foods. I need to be eating lean. Basic. The last thing I need to be eating is pie. 


But a domestic goddess doesn't just make grilled chicken and steamed veggies for dessert. She needs to wrap that chicken in cream cheese and bread dough and bake it in the oven. And I should saute those veggies in some sort of wonderful Italian olive oil.


As a domestic goddess, I should have a clean house. I should put myself on a cleaning schedule, and have sparkling floor and dustless blinds. On all 20 of my 10-foot-tall windows.


But I work long hours. So if I spend much time cleaning, I won't have time to work out.


Maybe I should work out before work. Oh wait, if I do that, I won't get my quiet time in. I could try to do both, but then I would have to wear a pony tail to work. And then I won't look fashionably intimidating. How can I juggle a quiet time, getting ready for work, cleaning my house, working out, and cooking healthy?

And suddenly I'm drowning beneath the weight of my own expectations.

The other night, as Mr. Right and I prayed together before bed...

Side note - a pastor at our church told us that the divorce rate for couples who pray daily together is 1%... and since divorce is not an option and we want to set ourselves up for success, we've adopted a nightly prayer time, just the two of us, before we go to bed... and I absolutely love it.

As I was saying... the other night, as Mr. Right and I prayed together before bed, he prayed the sweetest prayer over me. He prayed that the Lord would reveal what His expectations are for my life, and that He would save me from being crushed by my own self-expectations.

I never thought of it that way. I do tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to holding myself to an impossible standard.

And I didn't realize that Mr. Right had noticed.

What a sweet prayer for a girl who wants to be a Martha Stewart homemaker with a Jessica Biel body and a Condoleeza Rice brain. Marriage, in the midst of all the fun, surely is a sanctifying experience.

Give me grace

I think one of the greatest lies the enemy has for us is that we're alone. That nobody else can relate to our problem. That we're the only one. That it makes us abnormal. That nobody will understand.

Through my years of serving in women's ministry I've found that one of the greatest things we women can do for each other is to be transparent. To be willing to remove the veil of perfection and let others in on our struggles. 

I'm not a perfect wife. 

I'm not a perfect housekeeper.

I'm not Martha Stewart.

I don't have it all together... I have junk drawers and my mascara runs and I have absolutely no idea what I want to be when I grow up. 

This year as I've struggled with health issues and the lingering physical and emotional scars it brings, I've found that several of my friends have silently been carrying the same burden. I had no idea. It was so encouraging to find out I'm not alone. 

I've had countless friends share with me their deepest, darkest insecurities, and I just hug them and tell them... me too.

Satan wants us to feel isolated, because that's when we lose hope. God created us to be in community, so that when we struggle with unfixable problems, there's a girlfriend nearby who can take us to get ice cream and pray for us and encourage us to keep on fighting.

We're not alone. Underneath those skinny jeans, tall boots, statement necklaces, and perfect Pinterest projects are girls who, like you, need someone to reassure them that they're not the only ones in the midst of a battle.

Let's boast in our weaknesses, and cling to the power that comes through Christ.

PS--This month my little blog hit an all-time high of just under 2,000 hits. Thank you to my sweet friends (and family, and husband) for paying me so many visits. I am thankful for you.

Like a well-watered garden

God is incredibly sweet sometimes. Well, really all the time. But sometimes my eyes are more open to notice it. Lately it's been one of those times.

I'm a words of encouragement person. It's what I crave more than money, or prestige, or just about anything else. I need to be liked and I like to be praised. And there's one key area in my life where this has been hugely lacking this past year. It has been a struggle that no matter what I seem to do, I can't do enough to earn a pat on the back. It has left me feeling insecure and disheartened.

Mr. Right and both of my families have so kindly joined me in praying over that situation, that God would move and create a peaceful and encouraging atmosphere. And while God's made some small steps in that situation, it's funny... because while I've been obsessing over just a few people who are discouraging, I have gotten encouragement from the most unexpected of places. Random people that I didn't even know a year ago have given me some of the most meaningful encouragement at times when I just didn't see it coming. Even yesterday, I got an unexpected note in my mailbox that absolutely brightened my day. While I was so focused on something I couldn't control, God has been answering that prayer in infinitely greater ways. There is such a richness to his blessings.

My situation has challenged me to watch for people who, like me, need encouragement. Want to join me in creating unexpected blessings to unsuspecting people? It sure is fun... 

Doing my happy dance

Today I'm spending the day in bed, not because I'm sick, but because I worked a 14-hour day yesterday putting on our annual black tie gala for work. It was incredibly stressful but I'm so very pleased at how it turned out. One of the benefits to being the one in charge is that I try to slip in little things that will make my husband and I happy that nobody else would ever notice. Last night I had the DJ play the first and last songs we danced to at our wedding. So, while everybody else enjoyed a regular dance, Mr. Right and I traveled back to our favorite night at Bass Hall and reminisced about the glorious time we both had. It was special.

In other news... I'm feeling better! I finally saw a specialist last Monday and got on new medicine that seems to have done the trick. I'm going to stay on for a good long while, but I'll be switching to a low-dose version that should be much more tolerable... I can even get in the sun! Since I am wonderfully close to a little beach vacation, this was especially good news.

After a few weeks of feeling especially blue, it was so nice to have a week where I felt good. My energy is quickly returning, and I have a long list of things I want to do with my husband now that I'm able to be out and about again. Here's the short list:

1. Go on a bike ride together

2. Take a picnic date to Trinity Trails in Fort Worth to watch the sun set

3. Ride the train to Dallas for dinner

4. Start RUNNING again!

5. Refinish the dresser we're turning into a buffet for our dining room

6. Go on spontaneous Sonic runs after dinner... or other unplanned random weeknight date excursions

It seems like such a simple list, but these are all things we wanted to do but got cancelled over the last four months. I am simply ecstatic about the possibilities now.

Over the past four months my husband has shown me what a gem he is. On one of my very lowest days, this is what I found in our bathroom, a note he had left in a very loud way:

It was difficult to catch on camera, but it was a C.S. Lewis quote that made me melt all over my bathroom floor. I still can't bring myself to clean this large love letter off my mirror, even though I know eventually I'll have to. In the meantime I will just relish in this sweet gesture and be thankful that God has blessed me with such an encouraging man.

Old sweatshirts and Vanilla Ice

It's funny how smells and sounds can be so powerful. There's a soap that takes me back to my sophomore year of high school, when I had a new driver's license, a great group of friends, and my first real, hunky boyfriend. Every time I smell this Dove bodywash I'm taken right back to spring of 1997, when I sported my high-wasted jeans and fake Doc Martens.

I also love the smell of my husband. When I have a particularly rough day, I'll steal one of his old t-shirts to wear to bed, and for some reason it brings me great comfort. I was worried that once he moved in and we started to commingle our laundry that this smell would fade, but somehow it survives. I think Mr. Right worries that this smell is more of an odor, but it's not. It isn't a cologne or soap, just... him. I can't describe it, but any girl who's borrowed her boyfriend's sweatshirt probably knows what I mean.

Sounds are also so powerful. There are several songs (Vidalia, Baby Blue) that take me back to my annual two-week camping trip to Garner State Park back in high school. We would two-step to these old songs under big, starry skies in South Texas and relish in the freedom of being teenagers. Ace of Base reminds me of my first cheerleading tumbling classes back in the seventh grade, when I was trying to master that elusive back-handspring.

(I don't have any pics of me learning the back-handspring, but here's a

lovely photo of me from the 7th grade... look at all those braces. And those bangs!)

Vanilla Ice will always have a special place in my heart - his one-hit wonder is my absolute favorite song in the whole world (don't judge me) and is a sure way to make me laugh. All of my closest friends have probably seen me perform the words by memory at least once. Maybe twice.

Over the last few months, as I've struggled with being sick and have gotten more discouraged, music has played a big part in bringing me comfort. I've always loved Ginny Owens, and this song in particular has been my anthem:

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

I love this because it talks about knowing that God is good even if he doesn't seem to answer our prayers for healing, or rescue, or whatever it is we think we so desperately want. It reminds me that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and that this trial, too, serves a purpose. It brings me great hope.

What songs have brought you comfort during difficult times? You know... besides Vanilla Ice?

My pity party had an after party

I know I said my pity party was only for one night. And that was the case... for a few days. By the weekend I started to feel better, and by Monday I felt better than I had in ages. I even told my husband that I was planning a bike ride the next night after work, something I haven't been able to do in three weeks. I was ecstatic.

And then Monday night I felt my symptoms coming back... and by Tuesday I was downright sick. Again.

I cried. Like, six times. In fact, I cried and reapplied my eye make-up so many times that I'm sure I'll have to add money to my Dave Ramsey envelope budget for an early make-up refill. It wasn't pretty.

I just lost hope. Every time I start a new round of meds, I get optimistic that this round will work. Every time I have a symptom-free day, I do a little happy dance and celebrate my recovery. And then every time I realize that it was a false alarm, that I'm still sick, or worse, that I've been healthy and then two weeks later it comes back... I feel a little more defeated. My determination to be strong and to stay optimistic gets smaller and smaller.

So when my eighth round of antibiotics didn't work... I felt crushed. I lost perspective. I felt like this will never end. I got mad because I don't deserve this.

But it will. And today as I start a new round of meds, I am again optimistic that this time it will work. I continue to beg the Lord to heal me, and am thankful for a praying husband, family, and friends who have walked alongside me and encouraged me and prayed for me. I am struggling now, but I am confident that somehow this will make me stronger in the long run. And no matter my circumstances, I still know that I serve a loving, gracious, faithful God and that at no point has he been taken by surprise. I may have stumped the doctors but I haven't stumped him. In that, I am confident, and for that, I am thankful.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you... And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:6, 10

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Thereofre I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Day of rest

This week was my eighth week to be sick in the last three months. I've been trying hard to keep a good attitude, because I know this silly thing will pass and someday we'll laugh about how the first three months of our marriage I spent most of my time stuck at home. But this week I decided to throw myself a pity party.

It wasn't pretty, but thankfully it didn't last very long.

I'm frustrated, tired of being tired, tired of hurting. Tired of barely making it through work, only to come home at the end of the day and crash on the sofa. Tired of not being able to work out. Tired of timing my meds so that they won't make me sicker than I already am. Tired of going back to the doctor over and over and over.

I was told a few years ago that pity parties are okay, as long as they have a start and an end time. So I threw myself a mini-one Thursday night, wallowing in the feeling that life isn't fair.

That party ended when I went to sleep. And now I'm over it.

I'm trying to do a better job of pacing myself, so I don't completely run out of energy, and today was the perfect day to to recharge my batteries. Mr. Right let me sleep in, then we made a leisurely breakfast of waffles (my favorite), watched the new Harry Potter movie, then I went right back to bed for a nap and a good, long read. Tonight I'm going to a dinner party with some dear friends, and I should have plenty of energy to thoroughly enjoy myself.

I am blessed beyond measure. I am thankful for the health that I do have, and confident that this too shall pass... and soon! I am thankful for a sweet husband who dotes on me, and for friends who have been patient as I've had to cut back on my social life. It's only temporary.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1Thessalonians 5: 16-18 (NIV)

Sick but thankful

I'm sick again. If you're keeping track, that's the bajillionth time this year. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but what isn't an exaggeration is that I just filled my SIXTH round of antibiotics. I've been sick six of the past 12 weeks. Gee whiz.

The last time I got sick, I was so upset I cried. Poor Mr. Right had to comfort me as I totally freaked out. I was SO TIRED of being sick, so tired of not having the energy to do anything.

This time when I felt the dang thing coming on again, I chose not to get forlorn. There's no use in crying or feeling sorry for myself. I can't change my situation. I'm just preparing to stay close to home and am going to sadly say goodbye to those two weeks of running three times a week. I had just gotten to where two miles didn't even phase me. Grrr.

But I'm thankful. Thankful that I don't have anything life-threatening. Thankful that while a few rounds of illness have been a bit intense, nothing has escalated to something I really have to worry about. Thankful that this time I was healthy for two glorious weeks, which is a week longer than last time. Thankful that I have a sweet husband who is there to console me when I get frustrated. Thankful that in the grand scheme of things, it's just been three months. Thankful that I'm really a pretty healthy girl.

So instead I'll celebrate the good things, and choose to glorify God during times of sickness, just like I glorify him during times of health.

"Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare."

-Psalm 40:5

You can't do that

It's amazing how being told "you can't do that" makes me want to do exactly that.

It takes me back to middle school, when a softball coach told my dad that I would never be good enough to make the all star team. My dad told me what the coach had said, and then asked me if I wanted to prove him wrong. For the next year, I busted my tail and made the "B" team, and the following year, after even more practice, I made the "A" team and ended the season with the highest batting average on the team. Not bad for a girl who's not terribly athletic.

I love a challenge...

Or in high school when my parents said I couldn't date a certain boy. Oh my goodness, how I wanted him after that! (I dated him anyway... but they were right... he was trouble.)

I am stubborn...

And now I'm an adult, and I have a total love-hate relationship with running. Even though I ran a half-marathon in 2008, even though I'm on the board for a major marathon event, even though many people think I'm a runner, I dread it. I haven't wanted to do it for a long time...

Until I was told I couldn't. Two months of being sick and five rounds of antibiotics meant I barely had enough energy to go to work, much less work out. So I gained 10 pounds. And because I couldn't work out (and because none of my pants fit), it made me crave running. I was desperate for it.

So last week I was finally healthy, off antibiotics, and able to run. The weather was gorgeous, and I ran three nights around the lake by my house. I did crunches, and lunges, and push-ups. It was pure bliss.

Who knew it'd take two months of being sick to revive my love of running. I needed to be told "no" to appreciate it. Now I can't wait... I'll be back up there tonight.

He meant well

We were having such a chick-flick movie moment...

I was in the laundry room, folding the last bit of our week's clothes so I'd be READY to tackle my week. Organized. In control. Relishing a peaceful evening with Mr. Right.

My wonderful husband was in the kitchen, making me comfort food (beef stew and cheesy cornbread because I'm sick... again). He walked into the laundry room, with a spoonful of stewy goodness, and sweetly offered me a taste.

He fed me the heaping spoonful...

And just then I realized that the soup was SCALDING HOT. Probably the same temperature as the surface of the sun. It was so hot I had to spit it out, and the rest of the spoonful dripped down my face and all over the laundry room floor.

After the burning stopped and Mr. Right knew the burns were only minor, we laughed. And laughed. Not exactly the way it happens in the movies.

By the numbers

It was one year ago tonight that I went on my first date with Mr. Right. 365 days. He says that was the night he knew he wanted to marry me. I get a bit sentimental about anniversaries - my sweet husband has been hearing a lot of this lately...

"Honey, one year ago today I started liking you."

"Honey, one year ago today you asked for my phone number."

"Honey, one year ago today I got so mad at you because you didn't call me for a WHOLE WEEK after asking for my number... and then you made it all better by FINALLY asking me out. And I melted. And I've never been the same."

So it's been 365 glorious days. Here are some other recent milestones, by the numbers:

44: Number of days since I married Mr. Right

78,943: Number of times I've thanked the Lord for blessing me with Mr. Right.

0: Number of nights I've slept through the night since marrying Mr. Right

0: Number of nights I'd trade Mr. Right for a good night's sleep

3: Number of books I've read on my Nook in the past 44 days

2: Number of those books I'd recommend (Laura Bush's autobiography, and the new John Grisham novel)

1: Number of Nicholas Sparks books I've read this month that I thought were utterly worthless

15: Number of days I've been on antibiotics this month (three more to go)

4: Number of meds I've run through trying to get better

3: Number of times I've forced myself to eat yogurt because that's what you do when you take antibiotics, even though I'm not sure why (and I hate yogurt)

2: Number of times I've been to the doctor

2: Number of dates we've been on that ended with me ALMOST throwing up on my husband

687: Number of times people have joked/suggested/thought that the reason I'm sick is because I'm pregnant (they're wrong)

1: Number of dinner parties I've hosted since January (we'll make that two, later this week)

15: Number of times I would have hosted a dinner party if I hadn't been sick all month

1: Number of times I visited my beloved old Sunday School class, just to say hello

1: Number of new Bible studies I've joined this month - Isaiah is rocking my socks off

768: Number of times I've thought, "Ummmm....????" while studying Isaiah

Every time: Number of times I've studied Isaiah and been convicted, encouraged, or in awe of the God I serve

I may now glow in the dark from all of the drugs that have flowed through my system these past few weeks, but this time has been such a blessing... full of belly laughs and aha moments, good books and forced rest.

Adventures as a newlywed: The "Aha!" Moments

I'm not sure I ever thought I'd get married. I always hoped I would, but deep down in the darkest recesses of my mind there was always a lingering thought of "What if I NEVER find Mr. Right?" I prayed for years that if God wanted me single, that I could be content with that. In fact, that was the toughest prayer to pray - even the "Lord, wherever you lead me, I'll go" missionary prayer was easier than the "If you want me to be single, then I'll be single" prayer. And yet I finally got there, and prayed it, and most days I meant it.

But thankfully God knew I'd find Mr. Right. It just took me 30 years, three apartments, one rent house, my current home, and 13 roommates to seal the deal. In the meantime, I got pretty good at taking care of myself. Good at figuring out how to hang pictures, lift heavy boxes, and repair things with duct tape (you can fix ANYTHING with duct tape).

And then one day I woke up and I found myself living with a HUSBAND. (gasp). Let me tell you, it's glorious. And funny. And a little weird. But mostly glorious. Here are some of my favorite "Aha!" moments of our first month as newlyweds.

1. Before Mr. Right, I slept on a bed frame that was held together by duct tape. For SEVEN YEARS. Back in 2004 I didn't know how to put it together, so instead I figured I'd just wrap it in a pound of duct tape and pray that my mattress never came crashing down. And it didn't, even through three moves. But now I have a handy husband who not only correctly put together our bed frame, but drilled it into our headboard. Watching him with his power drill was SO hot.

2. There is a work bench. In my garage. With tools on it. Before Mr. Right moved in, all of the tools I owned could fit into a tiny clear plastic Target bin, slightly larger than a bread box. I'm pretty sure Mr. Right just threw all of that out. I'm also pretty sure he'll never use my high heel as a hammer... which I did too many times to count.

3. I wash boy clothes. Mr. Right found me gigglin in the laundry room one night, saying "I'm folding MEN'S underwear!" Who would have ever thought! Silly thing is, I'm secretly so grateful to have the chance to do that for him. There were many lonely nights where I would have given my right arm for the chance to fold a man's clothes if it meant having one to love me. Mr. Right told me that folding his underoos isn't necessary, but I can't bear the thought of stuffing a jumbled mess into his drawers. And so I fold his laundry and thank the good Lord for bringing him to me.

4. Someone else brings my trash cans in from the curb. This is something I've hated doing all my life, and every time I come home to find my trash cans neatly back in their place inside our garage, I get a bit sentimental. I think Mr. Right is just relieved that I'm so easily pleased.

5. There is a man in my bed! For a girl who has slept alone for 30 years, this has taken some getting used to. I haven't had a solid night's sleep in over a month, but every time I wake up to the sensation that someone is lying next to me, I am so thankful that he's there. And he knows I'm there, because my icy cold feet keep kicking him in my sleep. Sorry about that.

6. He brings me coffee in the morning. Before Mr. Right came along, one of my favorite things was the rare occasion where I would remember to set the coffee pot up the night before and the automatic timer would brew my coffee and have it ready when I woke up. Now my automatic brewer is this cute brown-eyed thing who brings it in every morning as I shake off my sleepiness. It's my favorite thing. He also cooks me breakfast.

7. Before Mr. Right came, I used to hang pictures with thumb tacks and duct tape. Now we use wall anchors and a drill. We were lying in bed one night, and I bragged to him that I had hung the very large, very heavy piece of artwork that was hanging over our headboard. And then I saw a look of panic rush over his face as he very quietly asked me... "What did you hang that with?" Don't worry... I used a LOT of tacks. You can never be too safe! (Just kidding, I used wall anchors. But I'm not good at measuring so there may or may not be about a dozen mistake-holes behind that gorgeous piece of artwork, which we can NEVER TAKE DOWN.)

8. He asked me why I don't have any towel hooks in my bathroom. I told him it's because I don't know how to install them. The same reason every Christmas decoration I own was in my garage - because I can't lift the boxes into my attic. I have spent my whole life trying to figure out how to create a life that doesn't require much help, and all of a sudden I have a helper living with me. I still can't believe it. I am so, so thankful.

So married life is a bit weird (there is a 5-pound bag of protein in my pantry and men's razors on my shopping list), but it's also the most fun thing I've ever experienced. I think I could get used to this.

PS--Photo above is courtesy of McGowan Images. Check 'em out! (Our entire wedding gallery is posted there.)

2010 Year in Review

This is my fourth year to do a year-in-review. It's fun to look back on how my life has changed over these past few years, and I think 2010 may have been one filled with the most changes, and the MOSTS fun. For past years, feel free to check out 2007, 2008, and 2009.

Where did you begin 2010?

I went to a church party, but left a little before midnight, so I rang in the new year on the telephone with my sister. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day were both filled with dozens of media calls, and on January 2 I had a story on the front page of the paper (the best New Year's gift a PR gal can have).

New Year's Eve

What random cool things happened in 2010?

I went on a first date with a certain Mr. Right who ended up being the man of my dreams... six months later he asked me to marry him, and VERY soon we’ll officially be husband and wife! Other than that rather cool thing, I also went on a mission trip to Colombia, a beach trip to Florida, cooked a ton, hosted 30 people at my house for Easter, attended my first World Series game, watched my sister marry her best friend, bought a car, had my picture made with the governor, I got a new office with a window, and went on some amazing dates. Oh, and my house got hit by a tornado.

Books read in 2010?

Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity

Key Principles of Biblical Fasting

The Essentials of Effective Prayer

Little Bee

The Help

Son of Hamas (one of my favorites of the year)

Laura Bush’s autobiography: Spoken from the Heart (this is what I'm reading now, only half-way finished)

Orange is the New Black (such a fun book!)

The Kite Runner

The Missionary Call

Forgiveness: Breaking the Power of the Past (maybe the best study I've ever taught... life changing)

Wuthering Heights

The Magician's Nephew (a Narnia book)

The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe (a Narnia book)

The Horse and his Boy (a Narnia book)

The Lost Symbol

South of Broad

Do anything embarrassing?

Right before Mr. Right asked me out, but when I knew he was kind of digging me, I had a very flirty conversation with him after church one night. I was feeling really good about myself... probably too good. As I was walking away, still looking at him as I said goodbye, I walked STRAIGHT into the visitor welcome desk. HARD.

What scripture did you study? (this is for me... fun to keep a record)

I did pretty deep studies of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, John, and all of Paul’s letters in the New Testament. I did an amazing study during Christmas on the Advent with Mr. Right (we’re going to make this a new family tradition) and taught Sunday School classes on forgiveness, prayer, and fasting. I had never studied much on fasting, let alone practiced it, and this year I loved learning about this often missed spiritual discipline. Even better, we had some much older and wiser people come speak and give us tips - it was so interesting to learn from them.

Did you know anybody who got married?

2010 was the year of the wedding. My other sister got married (Sarah & Philip), Sara & Dave, Amanda & Kevin, Amanda & James, my boss’ daughter, and two of Mr. Right’s closest friends. I was a bridesmaid twice and ALMOST a bride (I’ll make the 2011 list).

(With my sister @ her wedding)

Did you move anywhere?

Celebrating four years in my house this January. And getting a new roommate!

What sporting events did you attend?

I went to the last game of the Rangers World Series (we lost), and also to a Division Series playoff game against the Yankees. I went to Opening Day of the Rangers and saw a handful of their games through the summer. I also attended my favorite marathon, where I single-handedly handed out about 8,000 finisher shirts. Woah nelly, that was a crazy exhausting but very fun day.

(at the World Series)

Describe your birthday:

Mr. Right threw me a lovely birthday party at our favorite coffee shop (site of our first “sort of” date) and our two families and some friends came by for cake made by our wedding cake designer (my favorite). Since it was my 30th we did a lot of celebrating - I also went to dinner with some girlfriends, and my family and his family both had family dinners.

(at my 30th birthday)

What's something you learned about yourself?

I learned that God really did have plans for me that were better than my own. I learned a lot about what it takes to love someone else in the way they want to be loved, and I got lot’s of great advice from married couples young and old about how to make a good marriage. Hopefully I can put those things into practice!

I also traveled to my first third-world country and learned so much about myself, my desire to serve the Lord, and my willingness to follow Him wherever He leads me. I learned a lot about people - we're all the same, whether we live in the interior of Colombia or in the suburbs of DFW. It's one of my favorite parts of traveling - realizing just how similar we all really are.

(in one of the barrios in Cartagena, Colombia)

Were you in school this year?

NO! For the first time since 2006... no school for me!

(NEW!) Where did you travel this year?

I got to add South America to my ever-growing list of places I’ve conquered. We took a week-long mission trip to Colombia, where I discovered that I love the people there and LOVE the food.

I also went to Destin, Florida with my family for a week, I went to “The Lake” with Mr. Right (aka - his family reunion), drove to Oklahoma for a wedding shower, took two trips to Midland, and squeezed in a quick road trip to Abilene.

Destin, Florida

Any new additions to your family?

I got another new brother-in-law (Philip), plus an enormous family through Mr. Right. I am so blessed to be marrying into a solid, laid-back Christian family who has been absolutely welcoming. All my life I hoped I’d marry into a big family, and last year when I attended their family reunion with 100+ people (complete with an old-fashioned baptist hymn sing-along), I knew my prayers had been answered!

Favorite night out?

There were several. Our first date at my favorite Italian restaurant (Taverna) and then a walk through downtown and our favorite bookstore. Or the night we had a private tour of the Amon Carter Museum and then a walk through the museum grounds and a nightcap on the patio at Starbucks. Or maybe it was the night he took me to Babe’s for old-fashioned comfort food after a particularly stressful day, and then we walked out onto the dock overlooking the lake, dipped our feet in the water and watched the stars... for hours. Or maybe it was a simple evening of hanging out next to the glow of our Christmas tree listening to the crackle of a warm fire. There were MANY favorite nights this year.

What do you want to change in 2011?

I think I’m going to get married. Maybe gain a new roommate--seems like a good idea. I also look forward to finding a new way to serve in our new ministry. There’s lot’s of new folks I don’t know very well, and that has to be remedied quickly. It’s time to start hosting dinner parties again.

Where did you spend most of your time?

I spent a lot of time home in my kitchen, cooking dozens and dozens of dinners with Mr. Right. It's kind of "our thing" and probably why he and I have had to hit the gym a bit harder lately. Worth it though.

Do you have a new year's resolution?

Get married.

Memorize 2 verses per month.

Read through the Bible chronologically.

What was your favorite purchase?

I didn’t purchase any of these things, but my new favorite things are (1) my engagement ring, (2) my new chaise lounge, (3) my Nook.

Did you get sick this year?

I was very healthy this year - what a blessing.

Start a new hobby?

No, but I picked my quilting and knitting back up. It seems to go in spurts, but I think this year I’ll have more time than ever before to work on projects, since Mr. Right is in grad school and will have lot’s of homework to keep him occupied. I also sorely neglected my writing (and this blog), but hope to remedy that in 2011.

My latest quilt, made from scraps of material samples from Ethan Allen

What are you hoping and planning for in 2011?

I plan to learn how to be a good wife to Mr. Right. I plan to learn how to serve in a new ministry--this includes figuring out how to be a good minister’s wife (not the cookie-cutter stereotypical minister’s wife, but one who can help my man love on our people and reach out to folks who desperately need to know Christ’s love), but it also involves me finding my own “place” in a new ministry and different areas of the church than I’ve been for the past seven years. I plan to read through the Bible in a year, this time chronologically (I have been going in book order before). And I plan to log a lot of time on my knees asking God where he wants us... whether it’s here or in some far off land. Either way, I pray that we can both be faithful to the Lord and his calling for us in 2011, whatever that looks like.