Bet you never expected THIS from me...

Well my friends, I finally did it. I crossed over to the dark side.

I auditioned for a reality television show.

Well, sort of.

There wasn’t much of an audition. I just filled out an application and turned it in at an open casting call. That was it. No on-camera interview, no being looked up and down to see if I was good enough. No eyes peering at me expectantly, analyzing my very being. Nope, I just handed some chick my application.

But oh, what an interesting night it was! After handing over my application, they had us “mingle” around and they said they would “watch” us. I want that job. Because the people-watching was FANTASTIC. Best ever. I definitely got my money’s worth.

I should mention that the show was The Bachelorette. So everybody there was single, looking to mingle. The guys were prowling around the room, almost animalistic in the way they carried themselves, with their designer clothes and $200 haircuts. The girls were stuffy and stuck-up, trying to portray their awesomeness in a way that would catch the producer’s attention. Everybody had a sparkle of desperation in their eye. It was like a strange mating ritual, with birds puffing up their feathers, trying to out-puff each other to gain the coveted trophy… a spot on a dating show. Folks are funny when they compete while trying to look like they don’t care. I just tried to stay out of their way.

I didn’t go thinking that I would be chosen. I know that’s crazy talk, and I’m not sure I would want to be put in a position where my father and my pastor had to watch me kiss boys on TV anyway. Plus, I would be the world’s most BORING bachelorette… who wants to watch a nice, wholesome, Christian girl act like a lady on a date? That doesn't make for good TV. But the curiosity was so great, and my sisters were so persuasive, that we just had to go. With the advent of a new year, we decided to be adventurous. I’m glad I did, because it was an experience unlike any other I’ve ever had. We even made a few friends of the male persuasion while we were there. I got to talk with Jeremy, one of the top three bachelors from Deanna’s season (we have a mutual friend, and I actually made a guest appearance on his softball team last summer), and I said hello to one of my favorite radio DJs from Kidd Kraddick (JC). All this, and I was still home by bedtime.

I'm glad I lived my adventure. But I'm glad to be back in Normal Land, where folks are real and more relaxed and don't puff up their feathers and prowl around.

PS--just for kicks, here's an old post with  my advice to Bachelor contestants.

Hodge Podge Blog(dge)

1. In a moment of true edginess, I decided to paint my toe nails purple. Deep, dark purple. Almost black. I feel like such a rebel. The pedicure lady was a bit worried I might not like it, but I have savored the unexpected pop of color peeking out of my peep-toe shoes ever since. Now I just need to find a motorcycle that I can hop on the back of and ride off into the sunset like the bad girl I am.

2. I love free stuff, and lately that has carried over into loving to get free shots. This summer I got a tetanus shot, just because it was free. I mean, you never know when you might step on a rusty nail, and then I will be thankful that I got my free tetanus shot at work. It'll save me a trip to the ER (assuming I'm not bleeding profusely from whatever rusty nail wound I might encounter). This is all hypothetical, of course.

So yesterday you can only imagine my elation when I got my annual free flu shot. Not only will I be flu-free this winter, but I can apply that $15 I saved toward something a lot more useful, like a pedicure. Or some new earrings. I wonder what other shots I can get for free? Maybe I can score a pneumonia vaccine? I should call HR.

3. I just love this cold, fall weather. I've been sleeping with my windows open, which may be contributing to the head cold I'm trying to fight off, but it's worth it to sleep with fresh air blowing on my face, curled under my covers for warmth. Maybe soon I can pull out the old electric blanket. It may be my favorite possession.

4. I taught three classes at TCU this week. Two classes on media buying, and one on employee/internal communication. I love teaching. The only thing I don't love is the parking on campus. If I ever get hired as a full-time professor, I'll have to hire a helicopter to drop me off by my building, because there's only 5 parking spaces for 8,000 students at that school. Next week I've been asked to speak to an advertising class at UTA, and I hear their parking situation is even worse. So if you know of anybody with a helicopter, who won't be busy Tuesday morning, please have them call me. It shouldn't take long, they can just hover over my building while I teach. The class is only 90 minutes.

The split

My cell phone company and I are in the midst of a nasty break-up.

I hate you, Hawk Electronics. There, I said it. I know it's bad to hate someone (something?) but you bring out the worst in me. When I'm with you, I'm not a better person. Besides, there's someone else... another cell phone service that I want to be with. His name is AT&T.

YOU messed up my bill. Even though I was with someone (something?) else, you kept sending me bills. It was like you just couldn't let go. Then, all of those long, heated arguments with your rude customer service folks who wouldn't correct my billing problems started to eat away at my time. It's not worth it. I can do better.

The kicker... when you told me not to pay my bill because you would send me an adjusted bill. I asked about late fees, and you assured me you wouldn't charge me any. And I belieived your lies. When I opened my bill this morning, and that late charge was staring me in the face, it was all I could do not to lose my cool. But I'm trying to be the bigger person. Although if I wasn't as big a person, I might have considered doing some of those things Carrie Underwood sings about... but my Louisville Slugger is up in the attic and it's too hot to go find it. You're lucky.

I wish you would just tell me how much I really owe so I can pay my bill and then end this relationship. I need a clean break. Please don't call me anymore.

Hawk... it's not me, it's you.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Time to go make another break-up CD.

Behind

Sorry that I'm behind on posting new blogs, but if it makes you feel better, I'm behind on most things at the moment. I'm behind on homework, behind on putting up my laundry, behind on running some errands. As soon as I catch up, I'll be back. In the meantime, I've had a great week...

-I planted 120 flowers in my front graden over the weekend. Pink petunias and cute little silver leaf plants. My garden definitely says "girly"! I'm taking bets on how long they survive my green thumb...

-Monday was my favorite middle sister's birthday (I also have a favorite little sister, but her birthday isn't until December). The big 2-4 celebration will last all week, culminating with a huge night out this weekend. I already have my shirt (and dancing shoes) picked out.

-Last night, as part of birthday celebration week, my two sisters and I went and got pedicures and then to our favorite little coffee shop to hang out afterward. I never laugh so hard as when I'm with my sisters. They're hilarious, and totally "get" me. Now we all have gorgeous,pampered toes painted a vast array of bright colors.

Now it's time to catch up on putting away that laundry that is sitting on my bed so that I have a place to sleep tonight. That means I can cross one "to-do" item off my list. Eighty more to go.

Oh--and tomorrow I have to give a speech in front of 200 business people. Here's hoping that tomorrow's speech won't make my Top 10 List of Most Embarassing Moments. I hope it's nice and forgettable.

The barking dog

Dear Neighbor:

Your barking dog woke me up again this morning. He does this every morning. It’s not like I sleep late… sometimes your dog wakes me up before my alarm goes off at 6:30. On the weekends, your dog usually wakes me up around 7:00 a.m. I really do like animals, but I don’t want to hear your dog bark before I have the chance to stumble out of bed to have my first cup of coffee. I’m a patient individual, but not until after 8:00. Before that, I’m a bit irrational.

Part of me wants to march over to your house, knock on the door, and very sweetly ask you to muzzle your dog. But I don’t know you yet, and I’m not sure how you’ll take my request. I’d hate for you to shoot me or vandalize my house or something.

I have considered leaving you a note. Maybe I could type it, or cut the letters out of a magazine and paste it together so you won’t be able to track it back to me. But that seems kind of passive-aggressive, and I’m really a nice person. At least, when I’ve had my sleep.

I’ve thought about calling the city to report you. Or maybe the Homeowner’s Association. Or I could always shoot your stupid dog with a tranquilizer dart. Not to kill it, of course, but to shut it up for a few hours.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about my options as I lay in bed each Saturday morning, unable to sleep because of the constant, incessant barking. Over and over and OVER.

So please at least consider the muzzle. Or a tranquilizer. Or maybe move. Just please, PLEASE stop the barking. Even my dog, the Wonder Schnoodle, is annoyed.

Thank you,
A concerned neighbor

The storm rolling in

I love, LOVE my new patio. Tonight after I got home from school and ate my late dinner, I took my Bible and sat out on the back porch to prepare my Sunday School lesson for this week. We're expecting a big storm tonight, and I've been listening to the wind howl and watching it make my decorative twinkle lights dance as they hang from the roof. We've been bracing for this storm all day... the weatherman promised a doozie, and I was worried I wouldn't make it home before it hit. But now I'm safe at home, and as long as it doesn't blow my house away, the sound of the rain will probably help me sleep. That is, if I don't fall asleep right here in my chair... it's so peaceful.

That white stuff falling from the sky

Today was pretty boring... I took the day off of work and wrote a research paper ALL DAY. Bleh. On my list of things I want to do on any given day, sitting at my computer analyzing articles on weight loss surgery and the accuracy of advertising and Web sites is not very high on my list.

But then it snowed, and everything changed. It's so beautiful, it almost makes up for an otherwise dreary day.

Two's

My blogs seem to come in two's. I think it's my A.D.D. side. I get to writing one thing, and something else pops into my head. And I hate long blogs. I also hate long research papers. And I have one of those due next Friday. Bleh.

Since I worked all weekend, I took the afternoon off. Originally my plan was to go home and do homework. But that changed about the time I left the hospital parking lot, and I decided I'd rather go home and take a nap. But then, after a good lunch, I realized I wasn't tired, and decided to hit the gym instead. There's nothing better than working out at 3:00. There was nobody there. No gawking middle-aged men, no beefy teenagers. Nobody's sweat splattering onto me as they run on the treadmill to my left. It was total workout peace.

I was in the mood to push myself extra hard (my workouts are totally driven by my mood... I think today's inspiration had to do with the rockstar soundtrack playing in my iPod, or maybe it was seeing all of those people conquer the marathon this weekend), so I ran on the treadmill, then rode the bike, then lifted weights. Hard. And now, as I sit in bed typing this, I feel like my rear end is going to fall off. Or explode. I think I overdid. Which means tomorrow I'll be hobbling around like an old lady, trying to keep up a sleek, sophisticated facade, while trying not to waddle around like a pregnant lady with a wedgie.

On another note, tomorrow is my mom's birthday. I'm so excited to celebrate one of my very favorite people. Ever. If I can grow up to be half the woman (and mom) that she is, I'll be happy. She combines grace, style, wit, intelligence, a great Christian character and a spot-on sense of humor, with perfectly accessorized outfits, sass, and a cup of Starbucks. She's the strongest woman I know. I'm glad she's my mom.

And, lucky for me, I don't think she'll care if I waddle into the restuarant tomorrow night as we celebrate her birthday.

Isn't this how life goes?

I was getting my hair done tonight after work, and ran into a guy from high school that I haven't seen in nine years. Now, I'll never admit to not being a true blonde (I am!) but I was getting some highlights, and when I first noticed him my head was full of foil. Not exactly my best look. Then, they washed it out, and put on the deep conditioning treatment. Which is a bunch of gloop all over my hair, and then they wrap my head in plastic (kind of like a see-through shower cap, only dorkier) and I sit under a large dryer for 30 minutes. And let me tell you, I look H-O-T with a plastic bag full of gloop on my head.

Well, high school friend finally noticed me (even though I was trying hard not to be noticed) and came over to say hello. It was great to see him, I think we went to Elementary School together (again, it's been awhile, I forget) and we got to catch up on mutual friends, what we've done with the past nine years of our lives, etc. It was fun to catch up, but my vain side couldn't help but think about how ridiculous I must have looked. Whenever I see an old friend from high school, I always think, "That person looks so great!" or "That person has really let himself go." So you can imagine my horror at the thought of him going back to our mutual friends and saying "I saw Bethe... and she looked... well, kind of strange. Maybe she looks better with hair."

Oh well.

A good day

It's amazing how the little things can change the course of your day. It makes me so happy to wake up to the aroma of fresh coffee percolating, waiting for me to enjoy the first cup. And then a second. Maybe with a little touch of milk.

I really should set up my coffee maker the night before, so that every morning I can wake up to this little piece of happiness. But I get too busy sometimes. It seems that I get preoccupied doing things that don't matter, and neglect to take care of things that do. Even something as small as preparing my coffee.

So in honor of my coffee (I'm even trying a new flavor tomorrow... French Vanilla instead of my typical Hazlenut), I've made a list of silly things that make me really happy.

• Watering my flowers in the morning.
• The smell of books.
• When my dog cuddles up next to me while watching TV.
• Pay day.
• A fire in my fireplace.
• The smell of barbecue.
• A day with no appointments.
• Pedicures with girlfriends.
• Dinner with girlfriends.
• Sunday afternoon naps.
• Saturday afternoon naps are good too.
• March... when the media starts covering spring training.
• Baseball games.
• Taking my dog for walks around the lake in my neighborhood.
• Knitting.
• The way I feel after I run. Or lift weights.
• Getting a strawberry milkshake on my way home from working out.
• Hot tea.
• Donuts. Kolaches.
• Warm chocolate chip cookies, straight from the oven.
• Knowing that a new episode of my favorite TV show is waiting for me on my Tivo. And I get to skip the commercials.
• A warm day after a string of cold, rainy ones.

I'm off to bed. My coffee will be brewing in just a few hours.

Survey because I'm sick.

I'm feeling under the weather today, and have spent most of my afternoon in bed (I would have spent this morning in bed too, but I was scheduled to get my hair highlighted, and well, some things can't wait, no matter HOW bad I might feel).

I've read 200 pages of my book, paid my bills, even addressed invitations for a shower I'm throwing in three weeks, and I'm still bored. So, I'm filling out another one of those silly surveys. We'll see how it goes.

1. It’s 2AM on the weekend, and you are not home. You are more than likely:
I'm always home by 2 a.m. If I'm not, something must be terribly wrong. Call the police!

2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
I spent $125 at Target yesterday on groceries and Christmas decorations they had on clearance. I got red placemats for $1.50 each (yea!) and about a dozen ornaments for about $1 each. I love post-Christmas bargains!

3. What do your bank checks look like?
I buy the cheapest versions my bank offers--I have tried the cute ones before, but I don't really care about impressing my electric company, water company, etc. by cutesie checks.

4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?
I'm wearing my Cowtown Marathon t-shirt. I'm on their Board of Directors so I have a lot of free shirts. This version is last year's brown shirt--it's one of my favorites, very retro.

5. Name something that is on your Christmas wish list..
I haven't started my list for next year. I mean, I still have 362 days to work on that.

6. What color is your toothbrush?
I would have to get up to check that, so I'm going to guess white. But I could be wrong.

7. Name something you collect?
I collect newspaper and magazine clippings that mention me or the hospital that I do public relations for. In my four years at work there I have filled about 10 large notebooks. Don't worry, I keep those at the office, they're not cluttering up my house.

8. Last restaurant you ate at?
I got Chick-fil-a with a friend a few days ago. And last night we ordered Papa John's Pizza for a game night I hosted at my house.

9. Last person you bought a Birthday card for?
Must have been for my sister, whose birthday was in December. Happy Birthday Lindsay.

10. What is your worst bad habit?
Who me? Bad habits?

11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?
TIME and US Weekly. I have been wanting to subscribe to Rachel Ray's magazine, but I can't seem to fork over the $15 for the subscription.

12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
I like as many vegetables as possible. Even a little pineapple.

13. Who’s number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
Phone book? What is that? I haven't used one of those in years. It's called G-O-O-G-L-E.

14. I chose to skip this question... don't you wish you knew what it was?

15. Name the last thing you cooked.
Yesterday I baked heart-shaped cupcakes and made a tomato basil dip for my game night party. I love to host parties of any kind, large or small.

16. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?
Shoes. Feet gross me out.

17. Which shoe do you put on first?
I'm too busy thinking about important things like world peace to remember which shoe I put on first. I'm just lucky if I pick two that match.

18. What is the last thing you remember losing?
Besides my sanity? I can't find my digital camera--I'm hoping I left it at work.

19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
I used to absolutely hate my bedroom furniture (it was a hand-me-down from a neighbor), until my sister and I refinished it and bought new hardware for it. Now it's actually cute--somebody recently asked me if I bought it at Pottery Barn!

20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
I have a bunch of extra Christmas lights in the back of my car that I should return to Loews, but haven't had time to yet.

21. What perfume/cologne do you wear?
Either Ralph Lauren's Romance or an assortment of perfumes that I purchased in the South of France, right outside of Monaco (doesn't that sound hip to say you bought something in the South of France? Did I mention I ran into the guy who plays "McSteamy" on Grey's Anatomy while I was there?)

22. Your favorite board game?
Trivial Pursuit

24. Where did your vehicle come from?
Snowflake has been in my family for a loooong time. Like 9 years and 140,000 miles. I just got her this summer, after I sold my convertible. I won't be getting another car until I finish grad school. Besides, Snowflake and I are getting along quite well, as long as she promises not to break down.

25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?
I'm a big fan of Ingrid Michaelson at the moment, so maybe one of her songs.

26. You're sad, who can cheer you up easily?
My parents and sisters can always cheer me up. The last time I was really upset, my dad showed up at my house with new rocking chairs for my front porch. What a sweet guy.

27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
I'm sure the bride remembers, but I sure don't.

28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?
I don't mind any of the inside chores. I don't like to mow, and I really don't like to edge the grass. But, I do it because otherwise I would probably get a big fine from the city, and it does make my house look better.

29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
I really love the teriyaki chicken burger from Red Robin. It's very unhealthy and not my normal style, but for some reason I love LOVE it.

30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?
I like anything as long as the icing is whipped. Which reminds me, I'm hungry for those heart-shaped cupcakes I made yesterday...

Some information about me.

We probably don't know each other very well yet. Maybe this will help. I took it from one of those cheesy MySpace surveys.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Hands down, Chick-fil-A. I order the #3 with a diet coke.

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Blue Mesa or Reata (only on special occasions).

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Spaghetti with meatballs. Cinnamon sticks from Double Dave's pizza. Slice & bake reeses pieces & chocolate chip cookies, right out of the oven. Sonic strawbery milkshakes.

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. A photo I took at the San Diego Zoo

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. I'm always moving heavy boxes of brochures or newsletters up at work. One time I carried my entire dresser all the way from my bedroom to my garage so I could refinish it. I was too impatient to wait for someone to come over and help me. It's amazing what you can do when you're stubborn and determined.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. Almost. When I was a teenager I slid into a girl's knee trying to beat the tag in softball. I hit my head and got a concussion--I couldn't remember where I was or what position I played. But, I stayed in the game!

Q. What color looks good on you?
A. Yellow, black, pink (no reds or oranges with these freckles!)

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. Sort of. I had a friend who had an allergic reaction to some fire ant bites, and he broke out in hives and his throat started to close. He called me because I live nearby, and I took him to the E.R. Later I found out that I should have called an ambulance. Luckily he lived, and luckily, I work at a hospital.

Q. What are you scared of?
A. I am afraid of plugging in my Christmas lights when it's raining. All of my neighbors do, but I still think combining electricity and water is a bad, bad idea.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Probably around 6. I have to wear pantihose and close-toed shoes every day at work, so during the summer, as soon as I get home, the nice shoes come off and the flip flops come on.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops
A. I got a ticket in the mail from one of those red light cameras last month. I was ready to fight it until I logged in and watched the video of me running it. (please note--I turned right on red... I didn't blow through an intersection or anything like that) It cost me $75.

Q: What is something silly that you love?
A: I absolutely love stationary. I love picking out the perfect birthday card for somebody, or beautiful thank-you notes. I also love the smell of old books--for some reason that smell is comforting to me.

Q: What's your favorite show? And what are you watching now?
A: My favorite show is The Office. I laugh out loud every time I watch it. I think it's the best show since Seinfeld.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Give everyone their Christmas gifts.